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Bet on the Bills to beat the Patriots, the Seahawks to upset the 49ers, and a $10 parlay bet that pays $329.



Josh Allen of the Buffalo Bills and Jason McCourty of the New England Patriots
(Getty Images)

I’m on a streak I don’t much care for. I’m hitting the lock or the upset every week, but over the last month, not at the same time. 

It’s one or the other, and much like Aaron Rodgers attempting to choke down a capybara hemorrhoid suppository to battle his Covid-19 infection a couple of weeks ago, I’m blaming everyone but myself. 

Last week Lamar Jackson took us to the promised land with the lock, but if not for Frank Reich forgetting he had Jonathan Taylor on his roster, we would have nailed both it and the upset. 

I’ve never been an NFL head coach outside of running a Madden franchise or 10, but I have to tell you. If I could field a running back averaging nearly six yards a carry and held a double-digit lead in the second half of a game, I’m probably handing him the ball more than 16 times total, half of which came in the fourth quarter once Indianapolis had surrendered 17 unanswered points and the lead. 

The goal this week is to hit everything, as it always is. Even the worst games, if for no other reason than to rub it in their figurative faces for clogging up our Sunday schedule with their awfulness. As such, I have perused the NFL Week 13 odds at MaximBet and hand-selected picks to recoup your bank account from all your Black Friday shopping shenanigans. 

New England Patriots at Buffalo Bills (-3 at MaximBet)

I want you to know, I know what’s happening here. I see the potential of a New England Patriots vs. Tampa Bay Buccaneers Super Bowl like the rest of you and struggling to battle back my gorge. None of us want it. We, as a civilization, have collectively said “no thanks” to this very scenario. 

The fact that we had one single season of the Patriots sucking and didn’t even get to enjoy it because Tom Brady still won the Super Bowl should have taught us all an important lesson—We are in Hell. And Bill Belichick is the devil. 

But, much like when wagering a golden fiddle in a musical contest down in Georgia, sometimes Satan can take a hard “L” when he’s feeling a little too cocky. It’s time for the Bills to stop fucking around and get this shit done. Monday night seems like the perfect opportunity to do it.

Take the Bills at -3.

Philadelphia Eagles (-6.5) at New York Jets

New York Giants at Miami Dolphins (-4.5)

The Eagles decided to end their sudden surge of relevance by losing to the New York Giants last week, scoring all of seven points the minute someone started comparing Jalen Hurts to Lamar Jackson. 

As for the Jets, they did their fanbase no favor, knocking off the Houston Texans and dropping from the No. 2 overall pick in the April 2022 NFL Draft to the No. 4 selection. It’s this kind of winning late season meaningless games bullshit that cost them Trevor Lawrence last year. 

As for the aforementioned Giants, their victory over said Eagles created the potential of a nightmare scenario in which Joe Judge keeps his job at the end of the season. 

As for the Dolphins, they’ve been on a four-game win steak since they backed out of a trade for Deshaun Watson with the Houston Texans. They’re trending up, but still get lumped in with the rest of the garbage gyre thanks to the fact that all of these teams have losing records with a combined mark of 17-29.

Take the Dolphins moneyline at -205 and/or the Eagles moneyline at -285. But, as always, you should probably skip these altogether.

The 49ers are on a roll. They’ve won three straight and have battled their way back into the NFC playoff seeding, currently holding down the No. 6 spot if the postseason started today. 

The Seahawks are all but out of it at 3-8. They’ve dropped three straight games, all with Russell Wilson back from injury. There’s no reason to think they stand a chance against a Niners team hitting its stride at the right time. 

Except the fact that Wilson and head coach Pete Carroll have a paternity claim against the 49ers organization that has been ironclad for a decade. Since 2012, the Seahawks are 16-4 against the 49ers. The four victories the Niners can claim in that span were all in Santa Clara. San Fran has not won at Luman Field since Christmas Eve 2011. 

Andrew Luck was a senior at Stanford when that happened. He played his entire NFL career, retired, and never once in that span did the San Francisco 49ers defeat the Seattle Seahawks in Seattle. And, even sitting at home on his couch, Luck still hasn’t watched it happen. 

Take the Seahawks at +3.

Eliza, I don’t have a dollar to my name. An acre of land, a troop to command, a dollop of fame. All I have’s my honor, a tolerance for pain and the opportunity to drop a Hamilton on this four-team parlay. 

As we always do, let’s start with a moneyline upset we already like; Seahawks (+140). 

To that, I’m going to add the Chargers (+140), the Washington Football Team (+114) and the Pittsburgh Steelers (+175)

The Chargers are playing at a Cincinnati Bengals team that’s won two straight, but dropped a couple of real stinkers before that to the Cleveland Browns and New York Jets. The Old School Bungles have not been completely exorcized just yet. 

Washington is making another back door run to the playoffs and riding a three-game win streak, one of which was over the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. They’re facing a Las Vegas Raiders team that’s one more TMZ news report away from folding the franchise. 

And, lastly, the Steelers are hosting a Baltimore Ravens team that’s been living on luck and is one play away per game from being 2-9. Pittsburgh also swept them last year. 

A $10 parlay bet win on these four teams pays $329.

Adam Greene is @TheFirstMan on Twitter.

Ready for some football action? Take advantage of MaximBet’s massive welcome offer that puts a 100% bonus up to $1,000 back into your betting account after your first deposit. Sign up here today to maximize your sports betting experience with MaximBet.


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