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Bet on the 49ers to beat the Falcons, the Ravens to upset the Packers, and a sweet $10 parlay that pays $336.



San Francisco 49ers quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo
(Getty Images)

It’s time to regroup. No, I’m not talking about the Jacksonville Jaguars coaching staff after the team consciously uncoupled from Urban Meyer late Wednesday night. I’m talking about me.

After weeks of splitting my locks and upsets, winning one, but not the other, I took one squarely on the chin.

Like a Jaguars special teamer, I was kicked unceremoniously by my head coach, if fate and luck can be considered a head coach. “Make your fucking picks!” he said, the bruise from his Sketcher forming on my thigh. 

As Rascal Flatts once sang, what hurts the most was being so close. Both the upset and the lock were on the table until the very last plays of each game. It was the kind of day that makes you feel like Meyer’s index finger an hour after leaving an Ohio bar — kind of sore and smelling funky. 

Just as Trevor Lawrence woke up Thursday morning with a renewed sense of purpose as if a 200-pound cancer had suddenly been removed from his life, so do I peruse the Week 15 odds and lines at MaximBet with a renewed sense of purpose to compile for you this selection of picks. 

Atlanta Falcons at San Francisco 49ers (-9.5)

It’s the Kyle Shanahan bowl, as the two teams with which he’s lost Super Bowls after building a double-digit leads meet for the second time of his tenure. 

In spite of their scientific pursuit of discovering brand new, innovative ways to lose, the Falcons are inexplicably still in the NFC playoff hunt at 6-7. 

The Niners currently hold the sixth seed at 7-6 and can all but close out a postseason berth by winning two of their last four. Ironically, with all the bad COVID-19 luck the league is having this week, San Francisco seems oddly free of it considering they usually get hit with every conceivable injury misfortune. 

I think Shanahan will want to show up his old team and if the 49ers aren’t 10 points better than Atlanta this late in December, just shutter the team. 

Take the 49ers -9.5 at MaximBet

Houston Texans at Jacksonville Jaguars (-4)

Arizona Cardinals (-13.5) at Detroit Lions

Hide your kids, hide your wives and definitely hide your drunken 20-year-old barflies because Urban Meyer is officially at large. 

After it was publicly revealed that Meyer had kicked his own kicker in the preseason (something the Jags have known about the whole time), owner Shad Khan finally decided that having a walking sack of fly-covered shit that a wicked witch brought to life coaching your professional football team was a bad idea.

So, he loaded Meyer into the trebuchet and sent him careening over the castle walls.

With Meyer no longer allowed in the facility, MaximBet responded by making Jacksonville a 4-point favorite over the hapless Texans.

The Cardinals are coming off a humbling loss to the Los Angeles Rams on Monday night and have lost DeAndre Hopkins for the rest of the season with an MCL tear, but remain in control of the NFC West. The Lions have the worst record in the league and are zeroing in on the No. 1 overall pick in next year’s draft.

What makes this a “worst” game? It’s the spread: -13.5. The Cards are hurting, both physically and mentally and will just want to get out of Detroit with the victory.

The Lions are the quintessential garbage time back door cover team, losing 31-17 with a minute to go in the fourth, you can just see Jared Goff toss a beautiful touchdown to T.J. Hockenson with no time left on the clock in your mind’s eye.

The moneyline at -710 isn’t even worth looking at. This game is a pile of hot garbage, which means Shad Khan is already scheduling its interview as his next head coach.

Take the Jags -4 and/or Lions +13.5 (or avoid that game completely)

Lamar Jackson is dealing with a sprained ankle and Aaron Rodgers can’t stop talking about his toe. While Rodgers demands privacy over his vaccine and Covid-19 status, I can currently describe every bunion and varicose vein on his hoof to a police sketch artist. 

This is truly the worst timeline.

The great thing about the spread is, it doesn’t matter if Green Bay wins. They just can’t win by six or more. As such, the Ravens are in good shape, even if Tyler Huntley has to play, to make that happen.

The Pack will just want to get out of Dodge with Rodgers’ foot intact. They’ve lost their last two road games and would have only covered this spread on the road once out of seven games. 

Take the Ravens +6

King George turns around, runs a spending spree. He ain’t ever gonna set his descendants free. So, there will be a revolution in this century. Enter me! Dropping a Hamilton on this four-team parlay.

Let’s build this the way we always do, starting with our upset pick moneyline Ravens (+200). To that, we’re going to add the Patriots (+120), Bears (+155) and Browns (+100).

If I have to talk you into the New England Patriots defeating the Indianapolis Colts, a team Bill Belichick has owned for the last decade, then I’ve not done my job here. 

As for the Cleveland Browns knocking off the reeling Las Vegas Raiders amidst a Covid outbreak, are we sure Case Keenum isn’t an upgrade over Baker Mayfield at this point?

Lastly, the Minnesota Vikings are gonna Viking, and that means a loss to the Bears in Chicago is not only entirely on the table, but likely.

A $10 parlay bet on these four teams pays $336.

Adam Greene is @TheFirstMan on Twitter.

Ready for some football action? Take advantage of MaximBet’s massive welcome offer that puts a 100% bonus up to $1,000 back into your betting account after your first deposit. Sign up here today to maximize your sports betting experience with MaximBet.


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