Take the Bucs over the Jets, the Texans over the 49ers and a killer $10 parlay that pays $1,393, via MaximBet.
Just like Aaron Rodgers talking about his COVID-19 conspiracy nonsense on The Pat McAfee Show again, I was back on my bullshit last week.
Rodgers, in case you missed it, had another moment of clarity while talking to his buddy Pat on Tuesday, saying that, “If science can’t be questioned, it’s not science anymore. It’s propaganda.”
Now, I know what you’re thinking and you’re right. That’s a great slogan for a T-shirt. And, in fact, if you Google it, you can find that little nugget adorning a cotton-blend tee of your choice, ready to wear as you storm the U.S. Capitol or abduct the state governor of your choice.
Using Rodgers’ logic, I’m going to go ahead and say I know more about playing NFL quarterback than he does. I mean, I can use an internet search engine and have a Facebook account. I can identify Joe Rogan when I see him come out of his little toadstool home or Keebler elf tree. I mean, who am I to trust an educated expert? I’m doing my own research on this whole quarterbacking thing.
But my bullshit was once again splitting the lock and upset picks. I should have known better than to go against Nick Foles in December. I was a fool.
So, to get back on track, I haven’t overdosed on Invermectin or attempted to blow myself per the medical advice of Rodgers’ buddy Rogan.
Instead, I’ve perused the NFL Week 17 betting odds and lines at MaximBet to hand-select some games for you.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-13) at New York Jets
The Buccaneers have scored more than 30 points in five of their last six games. To think they won’t cover this spread, you have to believe the Jets, who have given up 30 or more in three of their last four can keep Tampa from scoring that much, or match them score for score.
Not unless everyone on the Bucs’ roster catches Covid Sunday morning.
Lay the points with the Bucs at -13
New York Giants at Chicago Bears (-6)
Atlanta Falcons at Buffalo Bills (-14.5)
The Giants are starting Mike Glennon, a guy you’ll be shocked to learn has earned $31.967 million in his eight-year playing career with a grand total of six starts. That means that Glennon has been paid $5.328 million per victory. That number won’t change facing Mr. December, aka Nick Foles, on Sunday.
As for the Falcons, all their playoff hopes rest on upsetting the Bills in Buffalo. You’d go ahead and strike through this one for Atlanta if not for the fact that the Bills lost to the Jaguars before Thanksgiving.
Take the Bears at -6 and/or the Falcons at +14.5 (but maybe skip the Bills-Falcons game altogether)
A Shocking Upset Of The San Francisco 49ers
Jimmy Garoppolo may be the most successful quarterback in history who’s hated by his own fanbase. Since joining the 49ers, Jimmy G is 30-14 in the regular season and 2-1 in the postseason including a Super Bowl berth. Still, the Niners faithful can’t help but spit their wine and cheese-filled venom upon him.
Well, he’s probably going to be out this week against a Houston Texans team that can be downright spunky. They knocked off the Los Angeles Chargers last Sunday and I’d pick the Chargers to beat San Fran straight up 10 out of 10 times with Garoppolo starting.
Instead, Trey Lance should get the nod. Lance has started exactly one game, lost it and barely completed half his passing attempts and he’s coming in here as a -12.5 favorite?
Take the Texans at +12.5
Drop $10 On A Four-Team Parlay
Hey, I have not been shy. I am just a guy in the public eye. Tryin’ to do my best for our republic. I don’t wanna fight. But I won’t apologize for doing what’s right. Like dropping a Hamilton on this four-team parlay.
We build this one the way we always do, starting with the Texans (+550). The beauty of the spread is that Houston doesn’t have to win for our upset to hit, but no one thought they’d win last week against the Chargers either. Let’s maximize our cash wad if they can do it again.
To that, we’re adding the Bengals (+190), Dolphins (+155) and Cardinals (+190).
The Cincinnati Bengals have an offense that can hang with the Kansas City Chiefs, they’re at home and KC’s defense can still give up a shocking play or two.
The Miami Dolphins have to win against the Tennessee Titans to remain in the AFC playoff seeding.
And, lastly, the Arizona Cardinals probably surrender the NFC West with a loss to the Dallas Cowboys. It would be their fourth defeat in a row, something good, double-digit winning teams, don’t usually do.
A $10 parlay bet win on these four teams pays $1,393.
Adam Greene is @TheFirstMan on Twitter.
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